Over the summer while I was unemployed I got into this really terrible habit of feeling sorry for myself and I didn’t want to leave the house. Ever. I also didn’t practice yoga for two straight weeks because I knew that once I got on my mat I’d be forced to mentally call myself out on my bullshit. I hid from the things that I loved most and I was 100% not myself. It was not my finest hour, to say the least.
I decided I needed something positive to focus my time and energy on and to take a break from full-time job searching, interviewing, etc. I wanted to get back to normal and I desperately needed a jolt of inspiration.
I had been enamored with Buti Yoga since I first heard about it by word of mouth and started following the founder, Bizzie Gold, on social media. This practice combines yoga, dance, and core work?! Those are all of my favorite things rolled into one! Yes, please!
I had never taken a class before, and my hands trembled a little as I clicked “register” for a two-day certification course in New York City at the end of July. Shit, I thought. I can’t believe I just did that. What if I’m not good at it? What if I make a total ass of myself in front of all of these really cool people?
As you can see, I clearly had some major self-confidence issues.
When I arrived in NYC that weekend I was filled excitement, anxiety, hope, and dread. Does that happen to anyone else? Getting equal parts super pumped yet extremely terrified of something they’re about to do? Like, they know it’s going to rock their world but the process of putting themselves out there makes their stomach turn?
Glad I’m not alone :)
Day one of training consisted of learning all there is to know about Buti Yoga’s founding, the physical practice, and how to lead a class. It was A LOT of information packed into one wonderful day of learning. I assumed we’d take a test or something to make sure we’d obtained everything we needed to know and then be on our merry way.
Nope, not at all.
At the end of the day we were told we would be leading a 12-minute demo the following day which needed to consist of the most important aspects of a full-length class. All of us would be taking each other’s classes and we would then be told whether or not we had passed the certification.
I think I may have slightly blacked out from panic at that point.
I had literally just taken my first Buti yoga class THAT morning and now I was going to lead a mini class tomorrow? AHHH! I tried to hide the fear on my face and convinced myself that I would be fine.
I went back to the apartment that evening and immediately went to the workout room to create my class. I arrived around 9pm, optimistic, and began working. Then about 2 hours later I was having a minor meltdown on the gym floor and decided I was going to tell them I needed more time and couldn’t do the demo. Then I gave myself a mental pep talk and got back to work. Maybe an hour later the same thing happened. That cycle continued for another couple of hours.
I believe it was 2:30am when I finally crawled into bed, but I did so with a full 12-minute demo ready to go for the next day.
The next morning we arrived and drew numbers to see what order we would go in for our demos.
Guess who got #1?
Yep…that would be me.
Cue another minor blackout from panic.
I quickly gathered my composure so I wouldn’t seem like a total basket case and gave myself a minute to focus. I had done all of the work, put in the time, studied the technique, and crafted a class that I KNEW would be great…yet I was still doubting myself. And why was that? I asked myself: What is keeping you from going up there and blowing this demo out of the water so that you can teach this amazing practice to others?
The answer was ME! I was the ONLY one holding myself back.
And so then I thought, what if for once you just acknowledge that you are 100% capable of doing anything you set your mind to and say “fuck you” to your fears?
And so I did. And at the end of my demo I was smiling from ear to ear because I knew I had just taken the first step in what would be a life changing journey in Buti Yoga. And when Bizzie said, “If anyone was wondering, that’s how you pass a demo” I swear I could’ve died right there. My heart swelled up so big I thought it may explode.
To say that weekend was more than I anticipated would be a major understatement. I have NEVER in my life been surrounded by so many awesome people with such a genuine interest to inspire others. It was more than a jolt of inspiration. It was like my whole body had been jerked awake in the most wonderful way.
Fuck you, fears.
Tori Talks was created to inspire people to become the most authentic and empowered versions of themselves - a space where personal experiences, tips, and tidbits guide others to live strong, grounded, and powerful lives.